Shades of Grey
by Smiley-chan
Summary: (One-shot) as Cloud Strife lies dying, he reflects on the nature of humans and his actions. After all these years, did he do the right thing, or had he been blinded all this time?


The weight of a life is a nearly crushing one. For those who lose someone they loved, the weight at first is the most horrible but slowly fades into something lighter. But for those who kill the ones they love, it never disappears. Even when they do not think of it, it slowly consumes them, and when they do remember they tend to drown in their own sorrows. Guilt is a fitting punishment for ones sins, for it grows more heinous over the years and proportionate to crimes.

Even now, as I lie on my death bed, I question what I did. I still believe it was for the best. But if this is true, then why do I feel so horrible? The weight of the life I took squeezes my heart like an iron fist. Maybe I wasn't meant to be the one who had to do it in the end. But in fact, I was the only one who could. It was something I knew deep down that I had to. Because, he had once been a person whom I grew to respect, who in turn betrayed me by placing the hatred he held in his heart in my place. The one I respected was still there, imprisoned by his anger, and I needed to be the one to saw an end to it.

I didn't realize this at first. I was too blinded by childish visions of light and dark, good and evil. Because these were the only parallels that I cared for, that one person who was the light of my life, the ultimate good…had suddenly become the damned evil monster. I had failed to see such a transition.

Maybe because it never happened.

Maybe because the souls of humans exist in shades of grey and never black or white. Because every heart contains a little happiness, jealousy, anger, sorrow, guilt, sourness.

Sephiroth the god, Sephiroth the devil, had always existed. And I, who had supposedly been his best friend, was so quick to judge, so quick to doubt, and so quick to betray him as fast as he had me.

It had all happened at that very moment. As I caught my breath I peered up and saw him a few feet away. The monster I, the hero in the eyes of some, was meant to slay was still standing, despite the bleeding gauges that I myself had caused. His ocean colored eyes kept going in and out of focus, as if he was trying desperately to hold onto something he no longer had. I felt my own mouth stretch into a smirk, hefting the buster blade over my shoulder.

He took in a sharp and struggling breath. Clutching a tear in his flesh, he toppled over onto his knees, his head hanging almost limply toward the ground. It created a somewhat unique picture; silver hair cascading onto the floor over his bent figure, tainted a deep crimson. The only thing that could have completed the picture was a pair of ethereal black wings. But the most enchanting thing about it was that in this picture…

…you could see, that this god, devil, once perfection in my eyes…

…was only human.

He existed in shades of gray.

I stepped forward, that pure adrenaline pumping through my veins that cared not what the truth was or whether I chose to acknowledge it at that time. Sephiroth, damn him, didn't look at me once while I stood there motionless. I was torn between two natural impulses. One mercy and the other punishment.

One part of me wanted to deny the monster in front of me. He wanted to give him another chance. I wanted to spare him, because it was another human life. That killing was a sin, and that was a rule I knew. Sephiroth had once been my friend and teacher, and maybe still was…and I wanted to hear the answers to so many questions.

But the darker side of the spectrum had already begun to consume me. I felt angry, and I hate to say it…even hatred for him, for what he did; the day he betrayed me and everyone else, the day he turned his back on the world for a woman that had died so long ago. I wanted him to feel every tear and every ounce of suffering that he caused me since that day: every tremor of guilt I had to sit through because of the first time…that I chose to kill him. And this was selfish and horrible. And I couldn't help cry myself to sleep at the monster I had allowed myself to become. I allowed myself to believe that the Sephiroth I knew could never come back, and that it was my duty to rid the world of this unspeakable evil.

I lifted the buster blade, so that it barely hovered over my shoulder. I looked down again at whom was my target, who was still so very alive despite his newly acquired weaknesses. There was this air around him, that of an almost destroyed man that sent a feeble message.

_Defeat me once and for all. So this can finally be over._

Time seemed to slow down at that moment, as if it wanted me to remember to the rest of eternity. I saw my blade fall frame by frame.

Sephiroth, strong and bold leader, general of the Shin Ra army, my friend, teacher, enemy, and victim… smiled. One of those secret little smiles that I knew was just for me.

And in his eyes there was lied something forgotten: a shimmer, a small sliver of the man that he used to be. And then, like that, He was gone, with only a strand of mixed memories to judge him by.

It occurred to me then, that at that moment, not only had I killed the terrible demon, but I had killed the man whom he had used to be. I had erased him from the earth. Barely ever had I felt remorse for an enemy of mine that had fallen, never had I spilt tears for them because I was doing the "right thing". After that battle, in that crater, I fell to my knees and wept harder than at any other time in my life. Not only for the good friend and leader that was now lost, but also-

-for myself. For how it had taken the life of another human being to make me realize…I was a _fool_.

And now as I lie here, feeling the life slowly drain away, I have little time to reflect. I think about the things that I have done in my life, the _good _things, the _bad _things, things that were not in my power to change, and things that were practically handed to me in a nice gift-wrapped box. I think of people I have met, things I regret, and things I am proud of.

And to tell the truth, I wouldn't change that if I could.

I know I am leaving soon. I don't wish to linger her much longer. My vision has become blurry, distorting things. Then my image sharpens again.

I can see dark shapes, everything evil touches. I see desks, the room, every inanimate object clearly, and ever so fuzzily, humanoid shapes that pass in the other room, some of them come in and kneel. That is all I can see, only the world for its dark points. It is a bit frightening, the darkness makes one feel alone, the feeling that he knew that many people might have been plunged into at different extremes at one time or another…then it is gone. The darkness dissipates and it is replaced with pure light that radiates from corner to corner.

To my surprise it is much in likeness to the dark, except only in complete opposite. Despite the visions of purity that are forced into people's minds at such an age, in such a light you yet again see non-living things and glimpses of people, maybe at this time a small bit clearer. It too is lonely. Despite being wrapped in light, I feel lonely. For the people, though they are somewhat there, they are incomplete. The light begins to fade away, and is replaced with my human vision.

There I can accurately see the people who pass me by, maybe still incomplete, but with more clarity than ever before. I see their worried expression. I remember happiness that used to be there, and surely would return with time. I remembered how incomplete they looked when I could only see the world for its faults, for its perfections. Now how clear they are in this world, the world in which they truly live. They are like works of art, in which the ever-changing attitudes and actions that have affected them dance around, the darkness and light intertwine, neither of them fading.

I feel a light weight on my shoulder, then the soft touch of a hand on mine. Looking up, I notice someone staring at me. Somehow I'm not surprised to see that Sephiroth is sitting her and he gives my shoulder a sharp squeeze as if it to say "Long time no see, Strife". He smiles a bit, the same small but confident smile that made him distinguished, those catlike mako-induced eyes kept fresh my all my memories that I constantly had of him. A sense of relief washes over me. But this time, I see him much clearer, much better than a perfect photograph.

I look to my left, and see someone else at my side. She clutches my hand smiling warmly like always, her eyes twinkling with spirit. Aeris…this brings tears to my eyes. To know that maybe both of you…maybe you weren't gone after all, that you never disappeared forever. You'll never die; you'll live on forever…

Silently I wondered why I could never see them before.

-Fin-

okay, okay. Lame-ass ending. This was a stupid one-shot, I've been working on and off for a couple of weeks when I get those large inspiration road block…and yes, I am aware that the characters are rather OOC. I'm used to writing Kingdom Hearts ficcies, so it was like all O.O "ahhhhh" writing something perhaps a little more serious. My god. I would appreciate some feedback, I wanna know if I reached some level of deepness or (insert fart sound effect here) if it was a huge stinker.


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